Today is my last day of chemo, for this round at least. I'll be off for a week and then another bone marrow biopsy will show if I need another 5-day run of chemo. I am praying this is it, the road has been hard and I am weary. I have new understanding of "my flesh and my body consume me." (paraphrase)
The past few days have been especially hard and I am so grateful to all of you for your prayers. Your comments, emails, cards -- all serve to lift my weary soul, and encourage me at just the right moment. God is so good to go before and provide the little things I need to show me how much I am loved. While one friend was praying on Friday that the Lord would sing to me songs of peace, a visitor did just that, and I was blessed with her song. I awoke in tears Saturday morning to a nurse who asked if she could pray with me before her shift ended. I find Him in all the little things. I am thankful also for a little white pill that has eased my nausea. After five days it has come as some relief...it makes the other side effects a little easier to bear. I still don't have much of an appetite, but it is a different feeling than the nausea.
The week ahead will be hard as my white blood count continues to drop, basically eliminating my immune system. As the doctor put it, my body will become my worst enemy, as all the natural bacteria, etc, can feast. I have enjoyed a visit with my baby tonight as it may be the last for a while. My counts are at 1,200 today, and once they reach 500 everyone entering my room will need to wear scrubs and masks. Unfortunately that's not an option with Gary. I'm so grateful my doctor realizes the needs of a mother's heart, though, and has allowed me some limited contact with him.
The nights are long. I know God is in the nights, but for some reason they are slower and darker. I remember His promise, "He gives to his beloved even in their sleep." (paraphrase, again)
I love you all. Thank you so much for all the ways you are blessing us.